// When Anchu asked me to publish a guest post about him feeling homeless I immediately said yes. I often see myself in his story and understand what he means and how he feels. I’ve seen, lived and traveled around the world. Lived in more than 8 countries in the last few years and at the same time I don’t feel at home anywhere! I grew up on an island in Spain, moved to Austria and Germany when I was 13 and with 18 I moved as far away from Europe as possible and ended up in Australia. Here you can find out more about me! //
When people hear that I speak 5 languages, they always ask me how I managed to learn them all. My answer is always the same:
As a result I speak fluently German, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese. And over the years I managed to learn English.
„Wow! To live in so many different countries and get in touch with all these cultures must be really fascinating and thrilling.”
Yes, it is. You change as a person and you grow, and with time your horizon widens – if your want or not. But the story has another side too which people normally don’t see: I have no home.
There is no place where I feel at home
What I mean be saying that? I mean that there is no place where I really feel at home. I kind of feel at home in Berlin, where I was born and where I studied. I feel a little bit at home in the Southern Germany, where my mother and siblings live and where I usually spend Christmas (with the exception of last year, when I was in Uruguay).
But I also feel a little bit at home in Spain, where I lived from age nine to twenty one, my complete youth. However, even in Italy I feel kind of at home, I love to spent time there. I love the whole country, the culture, the people. And Brazil? Guess what – I feel a little bit at home over there.
I tend to adapt very quickly to my new surroundings and as I am an outgoing person I quickly make friends anywhere. Because of that I fit into new surroundings pretty quickly, it doesn’t matte where I am going. This is something beautiful and exciting.
But in more quiet moments, when I am more relaxed and introspective, I sometimes feel very lost.
I kind of feel like a little boy in a toy store, who lost his mum. Yes, everything around is exciting, but the little boy actually just wishes one thing: his mum. It doesn’t matter how exciting and great things are, sometimes you just wish to feel secure and be part of something – you wish to have a home.
In such moments I wish I would belong somewhere. I would like to know, that I could go home. Back to my roots.
But there is no such place. It’s not Spain, not Italy, neither in Southern Germany. The place which comes closest to it, probably is Berlin. But even in Berlin I have the feeling don’t really belong there.
All this sometimes makes me feel kind of lost in this big world. Probably it’s because of that, that my relations to women tend to be so intensive. Every women I spend a bit more time with I let myself go and she often turns out to be my new home for some time.
The good thing about having no home
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to complain. Having no home has also a good side: freedom.
Even if people would have the financial possibilities and the time to travel the world, most of them probably wouldn’t do it. I have the feeling that people that dream about travelling the world, just have in mind sun, beaches and sea. Everything appears to be pink, like when you fall in love and aren’t able to catch a clear thought.
To travel extensively overall means one thing: to let go, to not look back and to live in the here and now. And this works best, when there is no place where you feel at home.